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You’re still not looking at me, just staring through me. “Baby, look at me,” I say as I run my thumbs over your hands, our eyes finally connect in the mirror and I give you a small sad smile as I tilt my head to the side. “What’s wrong?”You grab my hands and place them around you gripping onto them like they’re grounding you, you sniff a little before saying, “I just feel like nothing suits me, everything feels wrong.” You move away from the mirror leaving my arms in the process as you go to the pile of clothes, you hold out each and every piece of clothing, “how am I meant to feel beautiful, or sexy when nothing looks right? I might as well just wear a black bin bag or a potato sack," you exclaim whilst throwing the clothes across the room.I move slowly to sit on the edge of the bed whilst you pace the bedroom, “how am I meant to meet our friends when you turn up in a casual suit and I’m there wearing a frumpy dress and look like shit compared to you?!”You start to pull and claw at. I just can't, well, not physically at least. My body has betrayed me no matter what I tried to do to prevent it. My skin has drooped along with my butt and boobs. The muscles are there but they're so hidden they don't seem to matter for anything other than supporting my bones."All he said in response was, "Finish the wine, I think you need it more than I do." All that and "finish the wine"? Jesus! And he was smiling! I am capable of exhibiting a little intelligence every once in a while. It did register on my feeble brain that it wasn't just any smile. No. It was that special smile — not tolerant, not indulging. It was the one that was amused, but in the way that said that he was happy I reminded him, once in a while, that life was more interesting when I tipped his world a little off balance. I drank the rest of the wine. He took it from me, then began to remind me that I had made the smartest decision in my life when I accepted the proposal from this most remarkable man so many.
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